Who Wants Puerto Rico?
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It’s not just sexually eccentric people who are proud; Puerto Ricans are proud, too. To show us how proud they are the Puerto Ricans in New York City had a huge parade up Fifth Avenue last Sunday, officially the Puerto Rican Pride Day Parade.

OK, I guess, and Heaven forbid I should… you know, rain on their parade. I don’t really see what they’re proud of, though. If Puerto Rico had fought for and won its independence, that would be an occasion for pride. The place is a colony, though. They’re proud to be a colony? Hoo-kay.

Twenty-one years ago I posted a column under the title Necessary But Impossible.” In that column I listed ten things I would like to see done but won’t because they are politically impossible. Number nine on my list was ”Grant independence to Puerto Rico.” Here is what I wrote. Quoting myself:

Who wants Puerto Rico? Well, obviously the Puerto Ricans do. It’s their place. Not ”their country” because it isn’t a country. It’s a ”commonwealth,” which is a fancy way of saying it’s a US colony.

What are we doing in the colony business? Isn’t this a free republic? Didn’t we get started in the first place as an anti-colonial enterprise?

We can’t offer Puerto Rico statehood because they have nothing in common with us, not even a language. (And, oh, also because any Senator or Representative who voted for such a measure would be lynched on return to his home district.)

What’s that you say?—Puerto Ricans have fought bravely in our country’s wars? Great! Let’s give U.S. citizenship to those who have done so! God bless them! For the rest—give them back their country.
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